Stupidity 101

I got my advisory marks today and I got disappointed. It was like someone slapped me on the face. I was so ashamed of my grades. Don't get me wrong for people who know what I got, but I don't really like my scores. I feel like I can do so much more than that. I am not in the Ateneo to underachieve. I am here to study and burn my eyelids to maximize my ability. I am here to get the best grades possible to secure my future. I am here because I can be here and I should be here. It is my privilege to be in this school, no matter what people say. And that's what's making this harder to bear. Somehow I feel like I'm letting my parents down.

My parents haven't really pressured me. They haven't been bugging me about my grades, something they've constantly done in the past years of my school life. They've just occassionally questioned me about making the most out of college and getting the best grades I can possibly get. They don't expect me to be in the Dean's List. But, I want to. I want them to look at me and feel proud that they're my parents. I want to be something different, not just a normal Ateneo student. I want to rise beyond the mediocrity of the Ateneo population and reach whatever there is to reach. I want to be called a Dean's Lister, not just a student in the Ateneo with the course AB Psychology. I want my mom to stop lecturing me about doing this and doing that. I want my mom to finally accept me for who I am and not just look at my shortcomings.

I just hope I can find it within me to be someone worth it.